No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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