The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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