This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We are all done wearing pants today
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
