My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
