Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
