Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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