So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
