I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
