i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize