Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
