I need help removing her.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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