1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
