I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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