i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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