weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
cat food counts as protein by the way
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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