Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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