I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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