During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
