You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
