Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
