im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
