I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
