all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
