At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
