He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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