I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
