Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
