I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
COCAINE IS GR8
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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