I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
