The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
