all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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