dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
