I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
