I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
