You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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