can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
