We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drake has all the answers
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
