Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
