So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
