Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
