Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
