My sheets look like a crime scene.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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