The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
