Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
