you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
