Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
