pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
