wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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