She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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