last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
