i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
