I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize