Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
