ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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