turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
