I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
