Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
