My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
