Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
