Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
