I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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