Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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