I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
