Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
