good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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