my soul wont recognize me after tonight
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
