All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Use "feeling words"
Yay
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
