I'm eating all of the evidence.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
