Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
