Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
