There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
