I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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